What I'm Doing

(on my day off, instead of having a life)

-Reading my American history textbook, catching up on what I missed out on in high school while I was busy singing and doing shows.
-Working on my voice
-Studying music theory and practicing sight-singing
-Rehearse my lines for the play I'm in
-Working on my short story
-Starting reading a new book

If you ever wonder what I do when you don't see me, these are the kind of things I do.

This and That

There are days when I just want to do nothing but stare at the computer screen. And by nothing I mean not even watching silly Youtube videos that would make me laugh. But, being me, I always feel the need to do something, so I'm blogging now with Les Miz playing in the background--I can't explain why I chose to listen to this at this moment, but I'm really not in the mood for it. I can't explain why I'm not turning it off either.

Things have to change. I've known this for a while now but last night I felt it more than ever. Nothing bad in particular happened, but I was kind of bummed out. I knew I had to do something new, different, in order to make my life better. There is so little joy in my life at the moment, and nothing leaves me satisfied for long. I need something real. All that I have now feels so fake.

Getting acknowledged for my accomplishment in art is a wonderful. It gives me the validation I need for my hard work, and I truly appreciate everybody who has given me the opportunity and the appreciation for my work. The director of the play reading I'm in just told me how much he enjoyed my work at the last rehearsal. All this time I thought I was horribly miscast and that he would realize his mistake sooner or later. It was encouraging to hear him say that, and I am proud of myself for being able to do well the thing that I had wanted to do for so long. But it's still not enough.

Whenever I'm unhappy I turn toward art or my studies, to give me something to do and to make myself happy. Oftentimes I am satisfied with my skills to do the work that I enjoy. My work seems to be the only thing on which I can rely. But now I need something else. Something more. Something....

Top 4 Favorite Cast Recordings (right now)

It's no secret that I LOVE SHOWTUNES and listen to cast recordings regularly. It would take forever to rank my favorites of all time, but here are the ones I've been grooving to a lot lately.

4. "Next to Normal" (OBC)
I've been in love with N2N since I read the play and listened to the recording. What a powerful story. There are so many great songs in here, and I can sing along to many of them because they're in my range. I'm not a huge fan of Alice Ripley, but J. Robert Spencer is great and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Aaron Tveit. Watch this clip--Ripley, Spencer and Tveit at the Tony singing two of the most powerful numbers from the show:





3. Wicked (OBC)
Okay OF COURSE I love "Wicked." I've never seen the play or read the book, but I sort of know the story. I love both Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth, and sound so amazing in this recording. Check out Idina's amazing vocal in "Defying Gravity":



And then Kristin's comic genius in "Popular":



Norbert Leo Butz as Fyero is also amazing.



Fuck yeah!

2. Thoroughly Modern Millie (OBC)
Ignoring a few politically incorrect songs, some of the songs in here are some of my most favorite ever. I love the 20s, and this show captures that carefree spirit. Check out this number:



Sutton Foster is something else. She is so extraordinary. Her voice is impeccable. Listen to her solo number:



And, or course, GAVIN CREEL!!! Such a great voice. Watch this clip where he sings a high A, totally legit, making it seem so easy:



I am clearly obsessed with this show. Moving on...

"Hair" (OBC & revival cast)
I got the OBC over a year ago and have been obsessed with it ever since. Got the revival cast recording a few months ago, and I can't say which one I like more. The OBC has a really delicious 60s vibe which is perfect for the songs. Mine is remastered but it still retains that flavor, which I love. The new one has a different flavor to it without doing injustice to the message of the story and the songs. And of course, Gavin Creel....



If that wasn't perfection I don't know what is. Watch him now with Will Swenson who plays Berger:



I'm done gleeking out now.

Sore Throat

I have a sore throat, and despite the unpleasant feeling I am actually smiling inside. There was a time when I used to always have a sore throat, because I was singing so much. Well, I sang too much today and the room was too dry hence the sore throat, but I'm happy.

Worked on sight singing today. Apparently I'm not as bad as I thought I was. Not as good as I used to be but it's getting there. I'm optimistic. If I have time to stop by the library tomorrow I will probably check out some songbooks so I have something to practice. My heart is full of love for music right now. I can feel my old self returning. I feel younger. I know it sounds weird to say that at my age, but I am older than I was in high school, and it is that person--tireless, ambitious, hopeful--who is returning.

More New Year Resolutions!!!

Guess I'm feeling ambitious this year...

I want to continue working on my voice this year, both in musical theater and opera. I don't know how, because I don't have money for voice lessons, but I will do it. I'll do the exercises I used to do. I'll listen intently to recordings and read all I can about singing. I'll continue studying music theory and sight singing. It's gonna happen, starting with regaining things I have already learned long ago and continuing from there.

Music and singing have always been a big part of my life. Since I can't seem to give them up, and yes I've tried, I simply have to accept them into my life and get back to work!

Random Facts(?)

1. I'm writing this at Rocco's, with my phone.

2. I just went to H&M and bought a whole lot of clothes. I'm so glad there's a clothing store that doesn't make me feel too thin, too fat, too short, or too poor. Everything fits and is affordable!

3. I was walking down the street and started meditating. Breathe in peace, breathe out love. It actually cheered me up. I've been so miserable and lonely in this big gray city, but I found a way to be happy today.

4. People in Portland just don't vlog, do they? I don't see anyone walking around talking to a camera. It discourages me from starting a vlog.

5. I have a new writing exercise that combines my love for music and writing. I can't wait to get started on it.

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This and That

Still can't go to bed early, but at least I've been getting up before noon, so that's good.

Oh, and due to my inability to keep my legs together, I had successfully ripped my last pair of jeans. Don't be surprised if you see me in khakis for a while--I can't afford to buy a new pair yet.

Things are changing in my life, which is not necessarily a bad thing--I just never like change, nor do I like stagnation.

###

Current celebrity crush: Gavin Creel. I've been obsessed with this guy for months now. How can I help it, when I keep finding awesome videos of him on Youtube singing so beautifully and acting so sexily and looking SO INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!

Like this one:

Skip to 8:35 to watch Gavin Creel singing "Rainbow Connections" with a bunch of little kids. Aww...he would be such a good dad...TO OUR CHILDREN!!!!!


Skip to 4:45 to watch him singing the Barbra/Donna Summer duet!

PS. These clips are from Andrew Keenan-Bolger's blog, whom I also adore. He looks like a little kid even though he's not, and he makes funny videos with other Broadway people. Check him out at http://www.youtube.com/user/UrInTown

My New Philosophy: Losing Weight

The title of this entry is taken from this:


(Although the content has nothing to do with the song.)

READ THIS WHEN FEEL FAT:

I'm going on a diet, and before you all tell me how not-fat I am, let me tell you why.

When I'm having fun, hanging out with friends, partying, I eat and drink whatever. I'll eat a whole basket of tater tots and have three drinks, no problem. I'll eat and drink as a celebratory act. However, lately I've been eating and drinking excessively, and not for good reasons. I've been doing it as a self-destructive act. I've been feeling down and for some reason doing bad things to myself makes me feel better, but only for a minute. I think people do stuff like that to themselves because they're narcissistic: "Oh look at me, I'm so depressed and nobody cares, and since everybody is hurting me I should hurt myself too, so I can continue to feel sad and make everything about me me me." I am guilty of that and I know it.

Basically, my new diet is not about not eating fattening food, but about not eating for the wrong reasons. It's about not snacking just to forget my problems, not drinking just to consume poison. I will also try to eat healthier food, like whole wheat pasta, brown rice, and vegetables, because by eating it I know that I'm being kind to and taking care of myself.

So don't expect me to be any thinner. Instead, you might see a happier version of me.

New Year Resolutions

-Fix my fucked up sleep schedule.
-Get more exercise other than biking.
-Do more theater/comedy project.
-Spend at least a few months learning French!
-Do something REALLY special once a month.