When the hard work pays off

I took a few theory courses in college, within which I struggled endlessly to get through the difficult readings. The most frustrating part about it wasn't the fact that it took hours to finish each 20-30-page article, but that afterward, despite the immense effort spent in passages highlighting, keywords circling, and excessive note-taking, I felt like I learned nothing from it, despite the immense effort spent in passages highlighting, keywords circling, and excessive note-taking. Theory was and still is tough, but it got easier.

A few weeks ago I checked out "Performativity and Performance," edited by Andrew Parker and Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. The book accumulates articles from different theorists discussing the power of words to create action. I was surprised by how much fun I had reading these articles. They're still more difficult to read than, say, short stories, but I didn't suffer nearly as much as I did in college. Instead, the ideas, complex and thoroughly explored, kept me thoroughly entertained.

My one and only advantage as a scholar is my unquenchable interest in knowledge. I'm a slower reader than most of my colleagues, and I don't enjoy reading as much as they do, but I do enjoy obtaining knowledge, and I crave it all the time. I study without having to be told to. Despite the struggles, giving up is never an option. It's because I'm willing to suffer for it that I know I'm in the right field. I never stopped working, and as a result I am able to look back and realize how far I have come, and am enticed by the prospect of being even better in the future.